..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
