everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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