Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think your dad took our porno
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
