At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just blew my weed a kiss
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
