just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize