they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
