Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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