Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
