i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
