I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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