You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
