I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
