i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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