she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
