Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
