Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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