you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
