Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
