my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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