So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
