Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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