She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
