i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
