Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I party with great urgency now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
