HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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