A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
