Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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