these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
