I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
