Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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