i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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