You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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