A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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