when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
