don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
