Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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