his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
