Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
