whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
