I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
