He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
