this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
