Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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