She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
