drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
