Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(919): View more from North Carolina

When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?

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(404): View more from Georgia

Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby

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(314): View more from Missouri

On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.

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(302): View more from Delaware

Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob

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(650): View more from California

guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?

Fav 40 3759 1985
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(701): View more from North Dakota

You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.

(320): View more from Minnesota

No shame in my game.

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(+27): View more from South Africa

Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.

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(417): View more from Missouri

God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.

Fav 1 71 7
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(705): View more from Ontario

I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole

(705): View more from Ontario

Put me down for a bogey

Fav 0 83 11
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