My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
