I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
