Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
