how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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