I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
