So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
