I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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