Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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