The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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