I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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