I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
