How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
jump out the window naked night went bad
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
