I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
