O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
