For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
