Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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