Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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