Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
