I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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