he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
