just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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