She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Pants are for mortals
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
