What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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