Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
